Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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