the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
