I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
