Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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