so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
