Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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