Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
