just tell him i said nine months
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
