It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
