my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
