I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
