I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
