My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
