Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
