my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
