sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
