got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
