I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
