did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
