i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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