They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
