Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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