U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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