from now on my penis is your penis
You smell like stripper and shame
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
