come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
