haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
