Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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