Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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