I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
