9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
