Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm like, not good at living.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
