I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
