"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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