In the future we'll all be gay
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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