yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
