No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
