its not stalking. its research.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
