I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
