Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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