Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
