I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
did i walk over a car last night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
