Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Randomize
