There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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