census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
