Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
