Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
