I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I had to cum in my sink.
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