I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
