This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
