Hey man sorry I got all grabby
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
