i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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