theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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