Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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