Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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