What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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