i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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