i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
