how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she peed on how many people?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
