Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
