The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
