Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
