you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
