Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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