You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
