if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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