I love black thongs
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
