im about as happy as oj after his trial
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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