my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
