in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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