I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
