dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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