and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
