his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
