moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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