my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
