think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
