Your face is a jimmy john
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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