Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I touched a dick in church today
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
