Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Randomize
