Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
