i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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