There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
