I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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