I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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