I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
