just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I could make wine with my vomit
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize