Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
