I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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