Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
