U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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