go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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