Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
