you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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