what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
