I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize