Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
