oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
