Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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