They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
