We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
